Up Late... or Early?

Well, it's past 3 am, and I'm still awake... again. It's so hard to sleep when my husband's out to sea. Thank God this is his last patrol... at least for a while. We're not sure if we'll do the obliserve or not...

So I can't believe how long it's been since I've visited my own blog. I found an awesome website/photo-sharing community called flickr. That's now where I've been spending most of my online time. Wow, it sure is fun, but sucks up alot of time. I've gotten some of my friends and fam. to join, but I never know if they actually visit, or anything because I've only ever gotten 2 comments on any of my photos (one from my mom, one from my dad) and nobody has uploaded any photos! Makes me feel a bit lonely... I know my father-in-law looked once, and my hubby's grandpa has looked, but I have no idea how often they do. His family is all on the east coast, so I figured it'd be a great way to show them the latest photos of the kids, and keep in touch. Well, it was a good idea anyway. And the pics are there, whenever they decide to see them again. :)

So this summer, I'll be going back east for the first time since I moved away when I was 7. It'll be the first time to New England and poss. Florida. Anheiser Busch is giving away tix to their theme parks for military families, and Greg's grandparents live in FL, so it might just work out perfectly. The kids have never been to Sea World. I used to live in so. Cali when I was little, and it was my fave place to be. I especially loved the dolphin tank. And everyone loves Shamu... even though there's been... who knows how many? :) I would love to take them for the day. I'm sure Greg's grandparents would love to come along too. But whether we do that or not, we'll def. be visiting the rest of Greg's fam. in New England. I've heard so much about there from him, but never seen it... and only glimpses in pics from his childhood. I'm a little apprehensive. Oh, it has nothing to do with his family, I love them all and they're so nice and welcoming. His mom is the sweetest woman I've ever met. And I can't wait to see his little sisters again. His father is so funny and corny, and his step-mom is really helpful and fun. They're all great to talk to. But it'll be wierd going to his "home" seeing where he grew up and all. I mean, cool... but I guess because I've never known what it was like to grow up in one place. I guess you could say I'm worried about being jealous? Not envious, but well, it may sound pathetic, but whenever he talks about all his great childhood memories, and his friends and stuff... I dunno. I'm glad he has such great memories... but so many are tied up in someone else, and experiences I want to share with him he's already done with someone else. Or should I say, A someone else. And I think that's what most frightens me... the chance of meeting that someone else. Ok, frighten is a bad word. Dreading, maybe? Not sure why, I guess there's a few reasons. Well, first of all, how many people want to meet their spouse's "highschool sweetheart?" I mean, they only dated for a short time his sr. year, but he didn't date anyone after her, so that's what he considers her. And you always hear those stories of someone down the line getting divorced and finding love again, with their "old flame." Do I think that could happen? Well... things happen. All I can say is I really really hope not. I hope that Greg and I can work out our differences, that we can start to work together and be like a married couple should be. I def. know I don't want to go back east if our lives continue the way it has been going.

So what really scares ... I mean, worries me about meeting her? I guess one thing is, I'll have a face to put with the name. I really don't want that face haunting me. I have a name, I have stories. I don't need a face to put with them. The thing is, they stopped talking not too long before he met me. He claims to have been completely over her, but he used to talk about her all the time. Now, he has apologized for that, he apparently didn't realize he talked about her so much. Which worried me even more... that it was so natural to just talk about her. The funny thing is, she was totally using him. She didn't really care about him, and when he tells me all the things that happened between them, and how she snubbed him so many times (I mean, the whole reason they broke up in high school was cuz she wanted to date someone else) in some ways I feel bad for him, and in some ways I just want to say "HELLO!!" I mean, he still doesn't get what was going on. But he's a guy. They are pretty much clueless when it comes to the communication part of relationships, or the subtlety of blowing someone off. Well, she didn't so much blow him off as lead him on. I mean, she wasn't very clear. I can see where she was stringing him along. And I know she knows it too (probably flattered her that he was so into her, and she didn't want to let it go completely) but I don't think he ever will. Maybe it would just be too painful. Or maybe he just doesn't want to admit it.
Anyways, I really don't want to meet her. I don't want that awkward "I'm the first one he thought might be the one" and "Hi, I'm the one he did marry" moment. Just me, but I'd rather not see the girl he was so close to emotionally. Sometimes I thought (when we were dating, and first married) that he was still closer to her in his heart than he was to me. That's a hard place to be in.
So hopefully that meeting won't happen, and I'll just have happiness and joy at seeing where my husband grew up and went camping, and running, and everything. At the very least, I'll get to see his family again, and the kids will get to see their grandparents that they haven't seen since the wedding and Rose's birth.

Let's just pray that we get a minivan before summer...